my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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