well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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