i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
