Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
