The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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