how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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