I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
