He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize