I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
