I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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