Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
