im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
