Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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