this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
