Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
