Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
