I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
