You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
