She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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