Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
