She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
