tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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