New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
