is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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