So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
