when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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