Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
