No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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