Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
