don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's official drugs can't kill me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
do nipples grow back?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
