Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
