don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
