i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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