its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
