yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
