I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize