why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Congratulations! We have a period
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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