Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize