a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
