It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
