Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
