You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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