$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
