A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She even gives head with a lisp.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
