Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
