Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
