remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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