ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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