He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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