I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
operation have a gay friend backfired
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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