this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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