i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize