i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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