I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
