I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
