I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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