maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
handjob tips. give me some.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
