just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
