Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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