My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
