Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
