I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
